#MIDDLE CHILD SYNDROME IN RELATIONSHIPS HOW TO#

As they grow up, they may have more of a distant relationship with their parents and be less likely than their siblings to reach out when they’re in need of help or advice. With less attention from their parents comes stronger friendships and larger social circles than their siblings, which can be excellent for making connections to further them in adulthood. Although middle children are more likely to show signs of perfectionism, they also tend to have personalities that are equally as relaxed, so they can go with the flow and adapt to different situations easily (mostly due to their desire to fit in). They also score higher in agreeableness than older and younger siblings, a tactic that allowed them to receive attention and praise from people growing up.

#MIDDLE CHILD SYNDROME IN RELATIONSHIPS HOW TO#

I’m able to see both sides of the coin easily when it comes to disagreements and resolving the issue between two or more parties to bring about a calm, symbiotic aura is my strong suit.Īs a person who finds themselves in the middle of siblings often, the middle child learns how to become the peacemaker of the family. I’ve also been the one in my friend group, our family dynamic, and even my work environment to play peacemaker whenever conflict arises. Ever since I can remember, I’ve felt eager to please those around me and to be well liked by all of my peers.

“Plays well with others” – this should have been my tagline growing up. That situation taught me how to ease my white-knuckled grip of control I felt I needed and embrace the idea that life would unfold as it should, whether I understood it at the time or not. Although it may seem silly, one of the things I’ve learned to address and work on in recent years is letting go of my expectations and rigid plans when it comes to holidays, special occasions, and even the timeline for my life.Īs someone who struggled with infertility before getting pregnant with my firstborn, the stress of not being able to get pregnant according to my very specific 5-year plan nearly broke me. Middle children often have trouble feeling equal to their siblings.Īdditionally, a study from 2016 showed that middle children are “more likely to develop maladaptive perfectionism, which is characterized by the constant desire to have things go as planned.” Now, if that isn’t the truest statement I’ve ever read.

Personality Traits in the Middle ChildĪccording to the birth order theory developed by psychotherapist Alfred Adler in 1964, “The middle child is even-tempered but has trouble fitting in due to being sandwiched between the younger and older siblings.” Their personality can be easily overshadowed by their other siblings, causing them to be quieter and more eager to please in order to fit in.ĭue to the lack of attention they receive from their parents growing up, middle children often have trouble feeling equal to their siblings or “enough” in friendships and romantic relationships as they grow older. There are pros and cons to every place in the birth order and understanding your “why” behind certain attributes can be extremely helpful in learning how to use those traits to your advantage. Although there can be many drawbacks to being the middle child (as with older and young siblings), we certainly still have the ability to thrive and be successful in any environment.

In the same breath, I believe that my birth order has also been helpful in shaping me into the person I am today as a happily married woman and devoted mom with a career I’m passionate about. Many children who were raised in between two siblings identify as people-pleasers with nonexistent boundaries and often struggle with critical self-evaluations. While I’d argue that my upbringing was more than ideal – with loving and supportive parents and a stable household – I can see how being a middle child has lent its hand in contributing to some of the challenges I’ve faced over the years.

Until I read up on “middle child syndrome,” which is essentially the belief that middle children are “excluded, ignored, or even outright neglected because of their birth order,” I didn’t have any real reasoning behind why my personality is the way it is (for better or for worse). When you grow up sandwiched between a strong-willed older sibling and a coddled younger sibling, over time you learn how to navigate the middle ground by adapting and compromising in order to fit in. Oftentimes, when I find I’m at odds with myself, it’s the direct result of wanting to satisfy someone else’s desires, keep the peace, and exceed others’ expectations of me. For me, my mind instantly goes to my downfall of being a lifelong people-pleaser and perfectionist. Defining our “toxic traits” has been a hot topic lately all across social media.

Middle child syndrome in relationships